Bitches, Bitches, Bitches

Bitches, bitches, bitches... What a fucked up subject. They've confounded men since the dawn of time, and based on what my female friends say, they have no intention of stopping. Contrary to how i've previously come across, i'm not sexist. Nor am i racist, or homophobic. I'm actually a big pussy. I'm sensitive, compassionate, caring, full of love, and i tend to befriend girl's much easier than guys. I'm not gay or anything,but to me it seems that girl's are more open. I can become GOOD friends with a girl much quicker than i could with a guy. Males are so held back by all the things they think they can and cannot do. Men can't cry, men can't be weak, men can't do anything which might make the other men think they are a "faggot". Everyone knows faggot's are bad. Faggots do not get pussy, and this makes them inferier to other big, strong, football playing males. Women are more down to earth. Sure many of them have agendas and bad reasons for doing some of the things they do, but noone's perfect. In our society, males are raised to be one way, and females are raised to be another. It just seems like i can be comfortable around most women more than i can around most guys. Don't get me wrong, i have lot's of male friends. In fact the ratio of male to female friends is probably about equal, bordering on more males. It just took me longer to become close friends with the males, when it only took overnight for me to feel close to some women. However, sometimes these quick friendships with women are bad.

Women are basically snakes, and just because they acted one way for a week, doesn't meen that they won't wake up next week and feel completely different. These wild mood swings are a mystery to me, and i hardly ever see them coming. The true test of any friendship is time.

Friendships are one thing, but relationships are a whole other story. Sometimes i'm attracted to a girl and after i have the wedding planned out in my head, i decide that we'd just work out better as friends. I drop "our" plans and become good friends with the girl. Most of the time the she didn't even know i liked her. I guess i'm silly like that. But then there are times when i keep the plans and a relationship begins. I have a tendancy to be extreme in my feelings. I either turn into a co-dependant, or i get sick of her. When i turn into a co-dependant, the girl's usually get scared and run away, and when i get sick of one, i usually don't have the heart to tell her. I let the relationship drag on in turmoil, and hope that she sees the inevitable. People get blinded by their feelings, and this usually doesn't happen. Instead i have to break someone's heart and leave feeling selfish. It's been done to me, and it's hard to do to someone else when you know how bad it hurts. The thing you have to remember is that it takes two, and it's extremely unfair and painful for you to just go along, and let them think you still love them. They will find out eventually, and the whole farce just makes it that much harder to accept.

Then there's the relationships which start because of a one-sided effort. Someone likes me, and since i'm single, i say what the hell. I have little or no previous feeling for the person, and i think that just because they like me so much that maybe it'll work. This is a selfish relationship. I'm sick of beeing alone, so i decide to play the field at the expense of someone else's feelings. In my expeiriences, these types of relationships are short lived and messy. They never last for long, and you'll probably just lose a friend. My advice to the kid's out there is to play it cool and wait until you mutually hit it off with someone.

And who can forget their first love? In my case she was two years older than me, and i couldn't believe she had any interest in me. I decided to go for broke and shoot for the stars, and i got lucky. It was the summer between 10th and 11th grade, and she had just graduated high school. Althought the whole relationship only lasted 3-1/2 months, it's affected me more than all the others combined. I lost my virginity, i had my self confidence buit up (and later torn down), i had a best friend, it was cool. Then she went to college, and our relationship did what most long distance ones do, it fell apart. She ended it abruptly, telling me that i'd changed. I didn't understand at the time, but after hearing the same thing numerous times since then, i think what she meant was she changed. I still visited her at college, and talked to her everyday, and of course this made it much easier to let her go. I just couldn't imagine life without her. I know everyone's been, or will be, in the same position, and you should realize what i did. That's bullshit. Sure i missed her, but was i worrying because she skipped her period again? No. No worries. There's a bright side to everything. Sometimes it's not very bright, but eventually time forces you to move on.

I had a lot a fun THIS summer when my girlfriend dumped me and went out with my best friend two days later. I was pretty pissed for a long time, but a clear head prevailed, and i dealt with it. I didn't always deal with it in the most positive ways, but in the end i still had two friends more than i would of if i'd chosen to be an asshole. It wasn't very punk, but then on the other hand, i guess it was.

Women are funny. I try to stick with older ones, both as friends and as girl friends, but this has not always been the case. This summer i also dated a girl a year younger than me. It was fucked. We had sex to early in the relationship, and we spent way too much time together. I ignored some of my friends because of her, and she didn't have any friends to ignore. One day i called her little sister a cunt because she was cheating at monopoly. My girl got pissed and kicked me out of her house. She said she'd never talk to me again. I never knew cunt was a bad word. I thought it was on the same level as bitch, she thought differently. It surprised me how indifferent i was to the whole situation. I was actually happier out of the relationship. She apologized (ha ha i was the one who called the 11 year old a cunt), and tried to fix things between us. I was happier out of a relationship, so i decided to keep it that way. I was not the only person this whore had dated by any stretch of the imaginationt, but she claimed i was her first love. She turned into a stalker. Eventually she cut her wrists to try and get me back. When this feeble threat did not work, she cut them again. This time she did a better job and got admitted to the juvenile psychiatric in-patient ward of a local hospital. It wasn't her first time there, i guess i should have expected her to do something stupid. I know where she's coming from, i've been there before, but i guess i was just more mature and able to cope. After she got out, she tried to make me jealous by seeing this Brett kid. She thought he was my friend. Brett was actually a fucking dork who i could not stand. He copied me, and wanted to be down. They're perfect for each other. Just the other day, i heard that miss alternative, recovering drug addict, fake accent using, whore is a new addition to my old school's cheerleading squad. Way to go Nicole!

All this shit hasn't made me bitter or anything, it's just taken the blinders off ny eyes. I see the world, and relationships as they really are. I realize that somewher out there there's one relationship that'll actually work, good luck finding it. I'd rather be friends with the majority of women i know, and maybe someday i'll be lucky enough to find "HER". Even if i do, i probably won't have the balls to go and get her. Everybody's scared of rejection, even me. So i guess i'll end this with another bit of advice, Don't fuck your friends, unless you want to lose them. You can take this one of two ways, but what i'm sayin is don't hop into bed with anyone without realizing that eventually it could make you hate each other.

Brian van Steenkiste


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