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![]() Hi. It's been a while since I wrote, so this may be shit. On with the show... Do you ever find yourself disenchanted with the world? I do. I'm 17 right now, and pretty soon I'll be 18 (June 3rd, 1997). Shortly before this happens I'll come to the conclusion of my 13 year journey through America's public school system. It's been hell (as many of you know!!!) I've been through a lot, and I've seen a lot of things, I guess you could say I've been educated. Sometimes the things I learned weren't supposed to be in the curriculum, but they taught me just the same. One of the things that I've learned recently is that all the fairy tales have all been a lie. You don't bounce in and out of college right into the perfect job. You aren't awarded a house and a perfect family like people on TV. You aren't going to be happy. Life sucks. I guess I'm writing this in a pessimistic mood, but it's what I feel most of the time. I must have been naive. How could things be so different from what I expected them to be? I thought I was on the right track, and that my future was so bright I'd have to wear shades. Far from it my friend. Maybe I'm just experiencing what everyone does, or maybe I'm not. I've always gotten good grades. I've always been in the top ten percent of my class. I've always been on the honor roll. I got a 29 on the A.C.T. The one thing that I didn't do was except everything I was told for the truth. I've always had to fight the system, and there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you're ready to face the consequences. I was, and I did. Which leads me to my current predicament. My whole life I KNEW I was college bound. There was never a doubt in my mind that the fall after my senior year would find me at some college or university furthering my education in preparation for a job. And isn't that what's best for everybody? Smart people are expected to go on with school. Well Fuck that. I feel like some kid in an 80's movie who's just gonna explode! It reminds me of a Minor Threat song... Go to college, be a man Well, things are different for good little Brian now. Ever since I got kicked out of the house by my parent's that is. Those nice people who I lived with WERE going to pay for my college, but things change. What now? Do I even want to go to college? Why should I? Do I want to take out huge loans from the government that I'll still be paying off when I'm 40?!?! No thanks. Hey everybody!!! If you go to college you'll be rich and happy for the rest of your life! Bullshit. America and her fucking lies. Look up some statistic's on college graduates sometime. I want to be a teacher when I grow up Mommy! That's nice dear, but good luck finding a job. And it's the same in a shitload of other careers too. Won't you feel raped when you get that nice college diploma that you can hang on your wall to look at when you come home from working at Burger King?. Your whole life has been programmed. Everything has been taught to you in a way to change you to society's liking. When you went to your first day of kimdergarten you were surrounded by a curious group of individuals that would become your peers. When you leave high school your all the same. What happens when the teacher draws a house on the board and tells you to draw a house? You draw the house presented to you. What happens when a child has an original thought? Everyone laughs at them and they conform because of peer pressure. The list goes on and on. You think like they want you to think. It's called behavioralistic engineering. Go check out B.F. Skinner and his book Walden Two. College is not THE answer to all yout prayer's, and it will not make your life a paradise. So now I'm of age. I'm an adult. I can buy cigarretes. I can buy pornography. I'm old enough to fight, and die for my country, but I'm not old enough to buy alchoholic beverages. Does this strike anyone else as absurd? Either your an adult or your not. Since I am an adult, I have to plan out the next 60 years of my life and get to work. 50 years of work. Well, I don't have any plans. I plan on being dead one day and that's about it. But wait! Brian's got so much potential! He could do anything! Or he could do nothing. Right now it could go either way. Maybe the college fairy will visit me tonight! Or maybe the alchoholc fairy will come to my door. Neither would surprise me. The one thing I have learned is to expect the unexpected. You can plan all you want, but don't count on your plans working out like you thought they would. Anything can happen. ![]() New | Main | Music | Columns | D.I.Y. | Art | Zines | Contribute |